Just pray that the last day of the month would be better.

I'm damn freakingly, extremely annoyed, annoyed, ANNOYED, frustrated, frustrated, FRUSTRATED!!! I don't comprehend stupid people, you know that? You know how freakingly annoying and stupid people can get?! AND OF ALL DAYS WHEN I'M PMS-ING, YOU BLOODY HELL DARE TO ANNOY ME?! LIKE GO THE HELL, LUH! MORON! Simply a moron, you understand?! ARG!!!!! NBCCB!?!?@#$#%@!#$$#^ FUCK.

Okay, that's the unsightly me you've have seen so far, you freaking morons have crossed the line this time! I SWEAR I'VE NEVER TYPED SUCH UGLY WORDS HERE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!OH MY GOD, I CAN FEEL MYSELF FUMING!!!!! AH!!!!!! I AM BEYOND BEYOND BEYOND MY PATIENCE AND I'VE BEEN HOLDING THIS FOR WAY TOO LONG!!!

Seriously, I don't understand why are there such stupid people around in my school who just wrecks my day when my day is already THAT BAD. One day, this person chided me off for nothing, NOTHING! I really done nothing nor have I seriously agitated you. What's with your freaking problem throwing tantrums on me?! Thanks a lot, luh! Another day, this person comes to me with an attitude because I didn't contribute much to the project. HELLOOOOOOO~ I did do my part at least, it's not like free loading or whatever fuck, I fucking don't care what the fuck you think! If you needed help, SAY SO LAR. Wtf, you come to me with an attitude and making me so guilty 'cause I didn't do much, like forcing me to apologise to you and then you can happily fuck me up, saying you've finished the project with blah blah blah, and it all uploaded, don't bother, don't say so much, don't ask so much, just check what you uploaded when I don't even know how to and when I asked for help, you seem stupidly useless. HA. HA. HA. FUCK YOU. >:( DON'T PISS ME OFF, YOU MORON. And on another day when I'm feeling so lousy and I just needed to talk to someone, SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP MOCKING ME AND JUST LISTEN TO ME! Eh, come on, I LISTEN TO PEOPLE. Is it so hard just to hear me speak for myself?! I feel very sorry for Kelly, 'cause I really pity her as she's the only one who really listens to me whine and really just sits there and listen!!!! Don't just walk out on me when I've something to say! It's extremely ANNOYING!

Halt anger.

I feel like a nobody, and I smile and laugh just to make things up. Just some facade of my fugly face. I don't know how to feel. Yadah yadah. E M O again. Arg, frustrating. Okay, back to who am I. Today's the last day of Jan. Please, be a better one, I BEG YOU.. Just let everything be at peace.. Feb. Lonely valentines', screwed up CNY, still miserable after CNY. :(

Bye.

Honestly, just smile and shut up, you'll do me FINE. Thanks.

Friday.

What a hectic week bahhhhhh! And finally! Presentations are down and main projects are submitted. Still there's a/c and comm sk. Phew. Kinda thougher than last semester and I bet next semester would be a nightmare.

Emotions have been rather monotonous for this week. Numb, and don't-know-what-to-feel emotions. LOL. Don't know what shit I'm talking about. Anyway, skipped band today as my family had an early reunion for CNY. Jayjay's going overseas for 6 weeks! And he won't be back for Eerik's birthday and CNY. Sigh.. Big brothers brought little sister to Sim Lim Square to buy her IPOD! : D Yay, settled myself with a silver Ipod Nano II : ) My firsssst mp3 player. Phew. Big brothers drove little sister home for home-made steamboat!!!! YUMYUM! And was feeling sooooooo bloated! Thank goodness she didn't gain weight! (beams!)

Mmmmmm.. Goreng, chocolate, rotten, dragon, beng, blushie, old and laughing emo pisangs stayed over at CHARRED pisang's place yesterday night and all went to school together. Haha.. Was extremely exhausted as we were on movie marathon. Watched 3 movies straight, She's The Man, Scary Movie 4 and White chicks from 11PM all the way to 6AM? LOL. Dinner with dragon, charred and goreng pisangs was awesome : ) Spread the story of Nasi Lemak, okay? : )

Okay I seem to be typing in a very weird manner. Anyway, we all went to school after sleeping for about 1hour or so? I WAS SO COLD! Hahaha, I showered in cold water early in the morning! I forgot to switch on the water heater! And it was raining outside la. Hmmm.. Kannan's place is really very nice and cosy. But it gets really very very cold at night till morning and there is a lot of MOZZIES!!! AHHH!! I got 6 mozzie bites? :S LOL... So, I went to school unprepared for RSB presentation. Sigh, was a nervous wreck, missed a point, and screwed up the rest of my speech. I was still so stressed after the presentations. Comments on my group was quite positive, except for the people(including ME!) holding the scripts and distracting the audiences, he didn't comment on my speech like thank goodness! I'm really not cut out for Business, but still my group has the highest for visuals! HAHA. See? I'm at least better at designing than making public speeches. BLAH. Overall, well done Group D, very very satisfied with our presentation although I screwed my ego needs and motivation part. HAHA. Don't bother about what others say : ) Because we truely believe tht all the efforts we have put in is worth and we achieved what Roche has expected. I guess? Lunch with Pisangs and went home with Beng pisang. He was AWFULLY quiet but both of us fell asleep. Hmmm, we're all too beat, luh. Okay that's it! GOOD NIGHT.

Some pictures to wrap it up!

"Please welcome, the new age retailers."

"Ha, Felii, Su-h, Liping with ME! :)"

"Lousie the Goreng Pisang and Jols the Laughing Emo Pisang!"
"Story Nasi Lemak Clan. First four pisangs of Jan Pisang Gathering!"

(: Love.

Swallowed.

Insecurities,
something's that devouring me up.

Emptiness,
the heart has a hole.

Lonely,
in this frightening world.

Just for laughs.

HAHA! :) I like this one.
Hmmmm, lazy me decides to not study for tomorrow's assignment.
Bahs.
OKIE, looking forward to the coming week! (BEAMS!)
So hungry now.. urrrr..
(DISAPPEARS!)

Praying for a better day, really..

TP OPENHOUSE :D
NO RAIN! :D
BIG FUN UNDER THE SUN :D
STEAMBOAT :D
BUBBLE TEA :D
POOL! :D
<3Band khakis! :D
Thank you all for the wonderful time spent today!

The people in TPCB have become a part of me and I can't live without them. I really hope one day that the band would be like before, when we all first met. Everything was well, until... Sighhhh... Despite the obstacles we got so caught up with, I hope everyone stays strong. I don't want the good memories to end over a stupid reason. It's really not worth it!! :/

(Sigh, couldn't resisit having a mid-night snack. I picked on leftovers and had some pineapple tarts. Felt really good but damn guilty. Oh well, exercise later. Still craving for food. Sigh..)

I realised that I've been hurling profanities like nobody's business these few days. I need to stop, but just can't hold it down. Shrugs... My emotions has taken it's toll on me.. I've been feeling damn effing low lately, that seriously everyone, I mean everyone! Said that I'm so EMO. My my my my my, the jovial, bubbly me seemed to have faded away? I don't get it. So you guys won't either. You ask me, "How can you laugh and still be so cheery when your blog posts are all so emo?" Ha, GOOD QUESTION. I can't help but laugh everything away? Hmmm, ya, you guys can call me fake, whatever. It's just in me.. Somehow.. Lotsa things have been inflicting me lately.. My INSECURITIES. It's devouring me up gradually, I seem to be losing the person I used to be, losing my all. Honestly, I have never felt like this before. I feel like I've lost something so important to me.. Everything happens too abruptly. Who am I to everyone now? Growing up and learning to understand everything and it's meaning even deeper hurt the most...

You see, these upsetting phrases and sentences would just naturally be poured out of me? All I know, I'm just running away.. Running away from reality. Fullstop. I wna save myself, really. But I just slowly disappearing from the world, and nobody knows. Ahhh, who cares in the end? Period.

Kill emo. Kill emo. Kill emo.
Look past everything that you have ever learn.
NOTE TO SELF;
HELP. YOURSELF.

"The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was Love..."

SCHOOL!!

Haven't been updating this lately.. My lecturer actually said blogging is a serious waste of time. AHHHH, I totally disagreeeee. Sometimes, blogging cures boredom! (BEAMS) Which is something I'm killing right now.

Hm, school have been busy and all, with piling project deadlines and OPEN HOUSE! Hahaha, please come to TP OPEN HOUSE : D tomorrow and Saturday! There will be free, FREEEEEE Ben &Jerry's ice-cream! LOL. Nahahahahas. I've been aiming it for a longgggg while this afternoon. Hmmm.. RMT's LT show.. Sigh, I.... Suck. Don't talk about it. :/ Erm, it rained when the Band performed today. Kinda upsetting.. 'Cause it's like a total waste of my time : ( Pray it doesn't rain tomorrow, then we'll have BIG FUN UNDER THE SUN!!! Ok, whatever.

The band's kinda breaking up. I am seriously, effingly, awfully upset. U-P-S-E-T. I heard so many of my band-khakis wanting to quit, even my closest saxists are leaving me. If everyone leaves, do I still have a reason to stay? Hmmmm... Still there are a few of my dearest and my passion for music that is pulling me back. What should I do?? Should I stay? Or should I go??

RSB project is dued TODAY, 19 Jan!!! 1R01! ALL THE BEST...! :)) No more last minute! :/
Anyway, post up some pictures.. Random pictures. :)
"FELFEL AND JOL bored during tutorials! Very adorable huh?""A picture with my lesbian crush, hanna-suuu! Lol. Ok, that was a lie, she's my darling bestie classmate!! ;D""My LT Show partner, darling Joanna! Ha, damn random, luh.""SHADES? :D AND I DON'T LOOK LIKE A PIG HERE! Stupid pig, you know who I'm refering to!!!!""Finally a class photo! :D Presenting to you my class, 1R01!! Thanks for the year!!"

ERM, Ya that's all. BYE!

This is the last time I would fall!

RAR RAR RAR. I never get away with emoism, so pardon me. I'm a lot better now! Thank you all and for your tiny little thoughts and concern, I really appreciate it! Thanks to Kel, Su and Lix the most! :)

Hmmm, I felt pretty neglected and was at my lowest, really so down I can't even comprehend my feelings. My best friend 'ditched' me, hahaha. Band, school work, ecetera, ecetera. I think last Wednesday? My dad had a minor accident but still he was admitted to the hospital and needed 3 stitches. He was afflicted when a flying piece of glass slit past his chest. That night was pouring. I was worried sick about my family and I could hardly sleep. How could I sleep??? Was a very bad day indeed. And the following was worse. Sigh, sorry to abandon the team, I know, I really suck BAD when I'm on court or anything that has do with BALLS. Real bad, I felt like some useless faggot sitting on the ground and not helping out. So, I left them. Didn't want others to see how pathetic I was? Mmmm... And something that has been troubling me.. I can't lift it off my chest. I don't understand why either. I swear I was in my saddest state, ever. I could really feel the fall again.. Strangely, my tears never fall?

Haven't seen best friend since the start of January, and it's already the 13th today! Sigh, Prolly too caught up with her family, work and boyfriend. Sigh. Drifting apart? I don't know... I don't blame her at all, because at times, I get so caught up with school, activites and band.. The moment I step into my cosy little home, I just want to slap myself back to bed. I'm so tired.. : ( Like who's not? Right? I can't afford to sleep early though, because of the project work, tutorials.. ra-ra-blah-blah. SIGH. We get so caught up with life we just forget what is important to us? Be it friends or even our family?? Or am I giving too many excuses to avoid the world? Seriously, I'm not avoiding anyone!! I wouldn't want to avoid any of my dearest friends. But but.. I'm just so sick of everything.. And I really don't get why everything have to crash down at the same time?! I just wish to be alone, sometime? Or someone, be there whenever I need you? Whatever.

The rainfall never fails to make me emotional. It's exactly like seeing yourself crying all by yourself. Just by staring into it, I can't help but think back about the URG-SHITTY-PAINFUL past. Just wish to let the pain go once and for all, but I can't seem to do it? Someday, I know I will. Maybe? Hmmmm.... This life of mine's so listless. I've lost all my motivation to do anything. Don't know how long will it take for me to pick up the pieces. It's really all your fault. Can't believe I would end myself in such a tragic state...

Nothing in this world I'm worthy of.

This worthless shit.
How everyone takes you for granted?
How forgotten are you?
How jealousy kills you?
How weakness eats you up?
How much more can you take?
How they made you fall?
How love makes you cry?
HOW FUCKING WORTHLESS YOU ARE?

How fucked up is the world?
How this world crumbles and slip right through you.
Why didn't the Earth fade away?
Why didn't the people in misery, die?
Why did death left the lovers apart..
Why didn't you free the world....?

WHY..?

oh-boring-saturday.

Yeah, like I said, weekends SUCKS when you have nothing better to do. Just looming around the household, grabbing food off the shelves and refrigerator. Ohhhhh, speaking about refrigerator, the Tan's household has a new refrigerator! WEEEEE(: The older one was a wreck, seriously.. With all that urg-pungent-smell, it's finally GONE! Spoil at the right time, seeee.. New Year, new home appliance(: Anyway, the old refrigerator was spoilt for quite a few months.. Remember when I told you my kitchen reeked of rotten-urm? Hahaha, yeah, that decomposing smell.. The compartment which was used to absorb the odour was already spoilt. And 2 days ago like finally!!!!!! IT SHORT-CIRCUITED(: (evil grins) Heh. Yeah, it caused my home to blackout every half an hour. What a nuisance. DISPOSED! You smelly spoilt fridge. Hmmm, still have a bit of feelings for it.. Provides me with sooo much food whenever I have hunger pangs for 7 long years. Erm. Ya SEVEN. 2K dollars worth of refrigerator had just gone with the winds. Hahaha. Mommy got the new one for hmm, 600+ (: And it's environmental friendly and it saves electricity more and it smells better than the old one and and and... There's no food rubbish in there yet!! ): My Mini-Magnums melted away within the 2 days........ BOO HOO! MY TUBS OF ICE-CREAM!!! MY DEAREST COMFORT FOOODDD~~ Ahem, woops! Heeee~ Yay. Just glad to have a new refrigerator at home(:

Can't believe I can blabber so much about ONE NEW REFRIGERATOR. Hahaha. Oh anyway, "JOKE OF THE DAY" !!

It was between my siblings and I. I think we were all too reliant on the ice-maker and the cold-water dispenser of the old fridge. We consume ice and cold water everyday through it.. Until today, for 2 days without COLD water, we were desperate.. NO ICE WATER FOR 2 DAYS!! :( Anyway, the new one has only an ice maker. So they were buzy configuring the ice maker as I waddle my way into the kitchen..

They were twisting and turning the ice-making device, turn left, turn right.. Twist left, twist right. We were all wondering whyyyy didn't it dispense any ice at all after putting the device into the fridge for about 3 hours. I watched them for roughly 15 minutes trying to configure the device and was thinking why didn't they read the instructions? So, I took it up and just randomly read it out loud.

"Fill in water till the line.. Blah blah.. Insert the ice-making device into place properly, if not inserted properly, ice cubes will not be made.. Blah blah...." So they BLAMED me for not inserting it properly.. Okayyy. NEVERMIND... "First-time ice cubes will take around 14 to 15 hours to be ready as the freezer is not cold enough to freeze the water. First-time ice cubes dispensed might be contaminated, throw it away. Use ice cubes on second-time..."
(Us: "..........................................")
HAHAHAHA!! After configuring for sooooo long, then we realised we have to wait for that long for our ice to come!!! You should have seen the expressions on their face. From this; O_O to; -.- ! HAHAHAHA! Silly huh?? (: Stupid things we do? (: How silly human beings can be? Hmmm, hope you had a 'good laugh' with our stupidity! (;



"Smelly feet!! OOOOOOOO.."

"My naughty boy, Bobby!(:"

Diswalla;
Every Little Thing
Let me in
To see you in the morning light
To get me on and all along the tears they come
See all come
I want you to believe in life
But I get the strangest feeling that you've gone away
Will you find out who you are too late to change?
I wish I could be
Every little thing you wanted
All the time
I wish I could be
Every little thing you wanted
All the time
Some times

Lift me up
Just lift me up don't make a sound
And let me hold you up before you hit the ground
See all come
You say your all right
But I get the strangest feeling
That you've gone away- you've gone away
And will you find out who you are too late to change?

I wish I could be
Every little thing you wanted
All the time
I wish I could be
Every little thing you wanted
All the time
Some times

Don't give me up
Don't give me up tonight
Or soon nothing will be right at all salvation
Will you find out who you are too late to change?

I wish I could be
Every little thing you wanted..

high time!

Hahaha, I don't know, feeling pretty enthu at this unearthly hour, so retarded meeee decides to talk rubbish. Heh. I'm so hungry now, and I'm like staring right into my cookie jar filled with choco chip cooookieeeeeeeeesss. WOAH ME GOSHH!!. I WANT TO EAT!!! Sigh better not, after like so long, I finally lose that 1KG. Ya, ONE PATHETIC ONE. ERMS, I'M LOSING OUT TO THAT PIG! I THINK :/ Nvm :) Become abit thinner and prettier can alr, hor? :)

Hmmmm, school's out! WEEKENDS ARE HERE AGAIN. So sick of it though, I think I've got nothing much to do, EXCEPT, EXCEPT... PROJECTS. Sigh.

Erm, erm.. School's good. Becauuuusee I get to see everyone again (BEAMS!).. But school suck becauuuuse of TUTORIALS. BAHHHS. I think I got straight, mind you, straight Ds for my Mid-Semestral Tests.. AMAZING HUH(: Quite... quite an achievement, because seriously I didn't put in any effort at all in studying and I was particulary upset over some shit over that period of time. It's OVER! OVER JOLS! Aren't you a happy fuck bum now?! Erm, heeee.


"Back in schooool~~ Bonker-rara-shit in lecture hall!"

Anyhoo, I think the most exciting thing that happened this week was.... (*drumrolls..*) TODAY(: Withhhhhhhhh, my Biz-Shield Captain Ball Team, BSCSubCommOEI(Ignore the team name, puhleassse..!!) LOL! WEEE! And plus a few of the BSC main comm peeps, luh. Had a few games with them today and we watched Step Up together in school at night! Yeah, and everyone were grubbing on JUNKFOOOOOOD (SINSINSIN)! Hahaha, after the movie, we went for dinner opposite TP. It was soooooooooo CRAZY!!!! Lol, I really enjoyed myself(: We played this super uber stupidly 'gan jiong' game! LOL, forfeit was pretty awful for those who already had their dinner. They had to eat a mouthful of FRIED RICE no matter how bloated they are! HAHA, LOL. So silly right.. Play till we call ourselves the.... FRIED RICE GANG. Eh, supposed to be Anti-Fried Rice Gang, luh! Haha, it wasn't that bad for me because I didn't eat dinner(: Hee, We had other forfeits like, Crab Dance(prouly self-choreographed by TP BSC!!! HAHA!), Star Jumps, Pole Dancing and Dancing-Around-the-table. Hahaha. Awesome night, people! Thank God for the new people I've met! And most importantly thank you all guys!! (lou, joanne, kannan, tk, ck, maybelle, serene, lingyu, joyce, long, dean, jacq, daniel, &mark!) BIG HUGS ALL~


"TP BSC Sub-Committee LOVE!"

Erm, Ms irresponsible here didn't attend the first band practise after the break. So sorrry, will make it up on Monday! See you all band lovelies by then!! HEARTS HEARTS!

So, I'll stop here alright? Need to get some rest. Heh... Good night, babes and dudes(:

I'm not stupid, am I?

Happy New Year!

Alohaaaaaa. I swear, I'm sober now. Stop mocking me. Heee.. Anyway, Happy New Year babes :))

Guess New Year's Eve wasn't that lonely afterall. Kel and Flor asked me out to party party partaeeeeeeee. Uh, yea. They wanted to bring the innocent meeee, ahem ahem, to Zouk. Goddamnit, I tell you I effing hate that place okay. LOL. Don't ever ask me to go clubbing ever!! :/ Hmm, I'm not finished.. Lol, I didn't get into Zouk anyway, ha ha ha, because I look too immature. TSK TSK. I LOOK YOUNG~ FOREVER YOUNG!! WOOHOO! Okay, sorry got too carried away, anyhoo, was quite a relief that I didn't go in. Reason why I hate clubbing? One, enviroment. Two, CROWDS): Three, SMOKE! HAHAHA, GO ON, MOCK ME!!! Ok WTF is wrong with me.(Steady... Steady....) Oh so.. Entrance fee was $38? MMMMM Yea. Only poor Florrie and her friend got in. Darls and me ended up going back to Wisma. Went pubbing instead. And I got a little tipsy over some cocktail. Uhhhh. I SWEAR I WAS AWAKE, just a little cuckoo. Okay Okay, not little but VERY CUCKOO. Was so high I can't believe what happened either. Hahaha. Use to think I could handle alcohol.. It's just a glass, luh. Erm, NVM.. Shall go in bottles next time round.

After having my first round at Cosmopolitian, Kel and me went into Indochine for another round. Cocktail was good, mmm.. Wasn't feeling normal. Couldn't walk straight. Was laughing at myself. Was bullshitting? LOL. Like what Kel said, "Flora, Thank God you came back!!" LOL. YUP. She said I would have probably been rape??? -__-" LOL. Guess Zouk wasn't that FUN anyhoooo. Pubbing is so much better, for my case that is. So after the drinks, we strolled around Orchard Road with me in their arms.. LOL, I was swaying mad. O.o Nvm, the most hilarious thing they said to me was when I was sitting beneath this Gold Tree, "Eh, look at her.. Stare stare at the tree, thinking that money will drop down from the sky!" Wah lao... Humiliated. LOL.

Settled my sore feet at Macs for like 3hrs. Had been walking in heels since 12PM. So, my feet started to swell and my little toe had a blister. Boo hoo. Oh Sigh, Kel lost her phone when we were in the cab to Zouk. See, that place is CURSED. Woops. I think the clubbers fucking hate me. Haha. Forgive me pls. Anyway ya.. It wrecked her mood totally. Fuck that fucking imbecile who took your phone, darling. CHEERRRR UP, though I know it's hard. :/ Anyhooo, she left early and guess what? I left my purse in her bag.. That leaves me PENNYLESS, EZ-LINKLESS, PURSELESS. LOL..! YES!!! Silly me. Calling Eerik was my final straw. He made me wait for around an hour? To finally realise he wasn't in Orchard??? Sigh :( So I cabbed home with Flor and he settled the cab fare for me first. Thank You my sweet darling brother okay. :) I know we are all weary and sleepy but thanks ya? Lol.

Bahhhh. Ya, like 'HAPPY' NEW YEAR?! Heh. I Only reached home at 6.15AM. Took a shower and slept at 7AM. Hmm hmm.. I think that's all about my New Year.. I will upload the pictures if I feel like. LOL. OKAYS. Back to PROJ WORK NOW! Totally forgotten about it. Yes, MY HOLIDAY! :)) GOOD NIGHT!!!!

Prepare to fall.